Today

Some days are just harder than others.  I find myself struggling more in the past week.  As the weeks draw closer to our next trip, knowing what's ahead of Jacob is discouraging.  He is doing well.  The pain is under control, at times we can tell it hurts, and occasionally he will say so, but for the most part, he seems to be feeling good.  In light of that, it's hard knowing what he will endure this next treatment. And just leaving home again, this time without David, will be hard.  We knew this road would not be easy, and in my heart, I know right now is "easy" compared to what we could be facing.  So today, I will continue to try to focus on the good.  Encouraging messages and calls from friends about everyday things, ice cream, dinner with my family, my husband who supports and encourages me every day, even the quiet after they all 4 are (finally) in bed. But most of all, I will focus on these 4 little people I am surrounded with.

Asa.  My eldest.  Never has there been another like you.  Another so in tune to the feelings of others in his family.  Another so anxious to help mommy when you sense my worry.  I'm sorry it is ever evident to you, my son, but am thankful for your sensitivity, and kind heart.  The sweet way you take such responsibility for your siblings, looking out for each one.  And I love seeing the unique way you view the world, and how your bright mind works.  I couldn't be prouder of you, Asa.  I love you so much.

Elena.  My baby girl. As I sorted your baby clothes to give to your new cousin, I was reminded of how you have grown.  It seemed like just the other day you were my tiny baby.  So little, so sweet.  Well, you still are, little koala.  I am so proud of your tender heart, and the beautiful way you walk through life.  You love this family so fiercely, so fully, above all else.  You help me to see the joy and beauty in every day things, and my life is ever so beautiful with you in it. I love you, my girl.

Sweet Jacob.  So much we have been through together.  All the difficulties you have faced, and you are still strong, baby boy.   I am thankful for your spirit, your strong will.  And yes, your beautiful face that helps me remember to be thankful for your strong will, even when it is trying.  I will fight for you forever.  You bring so much laughter to our family, you make us see the fun in each day, and not the trial.  I couldn't love you more.

Littlest Luke.  We knew we wanted 4 kids.  When everyone else thought we were crazy, we were unswayed.  Well, it wasn't "4 kids" we needed, it was you. Who you are, sweet baby.  You are exactly what we needed, not just the sum of having 4 children.  Never has a baby brought such joy, such light to a family. Your sweet nature, beautiful smile, even crazy cowlick makes me smile every day.  You keep me grounded, little one.  I couldn't be more thankful for you, and love you so much.

May I continue to see the beauty in our lives, even in days of struggle.  May I always be in awe of these 4 with which we've been entrusted.  May I see them and all I have to be thankful for.  May I be fully present in the NOW, and not overcome with worry about what may be ahead.  

Thank you again to all those who continue to lift us up.  All who still pray for Jake, and for us.  And above all, pray for miraculous healing for him, and if that's not to be, may we bask in "Just Today's Miracle."